Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Watch Lovers Nine Signs

Jaegermars – A fickle fusspot magpie determined to stand apart. You know and understand much about watches. A man of the world with a sophisticated taste. Competitive and great in bed.

Patestantin - You’re an old man, or a watch dealer. You’re beyond fashion knowing exactly what you want. You take a long time to decide and then stick with it. Safe, reliable, rich and once upon a time a good lover.

Swatchio – Unsure about everything in life, you're desperate for a woman.

Roltier – Insecure and conservative, you seek validation through material posessions by making an impression on people you don’t know. Clingy, you’re rubbish in bed.

Breitmega – Nervous, obsessive, wannabe divernaut with too many watches who can’t commit in a relationship. You’re poor, but one day you’ll be able to afford a proper piece.

Seikizen – You’re poor, but you’ll never be able to afford a proper watch. An accuracy freak you’re annoying. Can’t hold conversations with girls, who remain a mystery.

Vintique – Living your life in rose tinted hindsight with a house full of watches. A lot like Patestantin, but still good in the sack for the moment.

Panimo – Gullible, you like clocks and have a small one.

Sinfortima – Nobody pulls the wool over your eyes. A bit dull, you manage to live life pretty hard. Decisive, you have a big one.


Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. Thanks.

Some Jaegermars go both ways.

Some Patestantin are still great lovers, though their movements are a little slower and more refined.

Blancpani - Have more money than taste, and fortunately for everyone tend to attract those of a similar type. Both they and theirs think they are great lovers, but in fact they are terribly plain.

Ulyyiani - Can be hopelessly complicated and prone to wear more bling than called for by the occasion. While they expend extraordinary energy to assure others that they are rich, promiscuous and wild, their high maintenaince and cost-of-entry mean that only a few will ever take them home.

Minervans - Salt of the earth, as constant as the sun, and rare as an oasis in the desert. A friend for life if you ever find one.

Invctro - So busy imitating others, they don't know who they are. No matter what extremes they go to, they never make a deep impression. Their antics mean that some will wind up in trouble with the law.

Jaqetoz - Your aunt, married several times, outliving a succession of wealthy husbands who now holds society court and helps the less fortunate. She's so refined you can't imagine her ever having been a lover, but there's a sensual undercurrent to her stories that would make a sailor blush.

IWClogne - Your uncle who never married, distinguished, world-travelled, with a warm berth in every port.

JJS said...

Hilarious, and well portrayed.
May I suggest two more:

Grahamzen - in spite of title, is anything but zen. In fact, so socially and horizontally insecure that his (more rarely her) favourite watches look more like hand-grenades, or sketches from Jules Verne for a pocket submarine. The Graha version is the more pathetic, as it can hardly withstand pressure (say above 3 atmospheres), in spite of styling to the contrary.

Vulgari - here again, a strong personality conflict obliges the owner to state, on the bezel in addition to the watch dial, what the brand is. This compels the beholder to notice that the wearer of this watch (or is it a contrived advertisement?) payed at least ... Euros or dollars for it. Annoying in society, flashy, show-off, but manages his stock options rather well.

Anonymous said...


What would we do without Blogs? Awesome piece... ;-D

Park Dietz said...

Brilliant! You should have been a psychiatrist.

Speedmaster said...

LOL, thanks! ;-)

watchmontre said...

I like that... so brilliant....

What about

Langezönith - You know it well but hide it well, faithfully confident, straight and reliably charming for many years.